The Random Dose of FUNNY Thread

Gallowbraid said:
If you don't roll in with the rig looking like this it doesn't count:

View attachment 50713
Click to expand...

Gonna' need this too then.
81+G559OR8L._AC_SL1500_.jpg
 
The Wikipedia article has the following:

'The Canning Stock route is considered one of the world's great four-wheel drive adventures. Apart from keeping the track open, the route is not maintained. Some wells have been restored but others are in ruins and unusable. While quite a few travelers successfully make the trip, it still requires substantial planning and a convoy of well-equipped four-wheel drives or equivalent vehicles, and is only practical during the cooler months. Fuel drops typically need to be organised in advance and the 1,850 km (1,150 mi) trip will take two to three weeks."

Lets see, 1150 miles / 14 days = 82 miles a day. 1150 miles / 21 days = 54 miles a day. Sounds like you're going to be crawling along at 10 to 20 mph. Wonder what the mpg will be under those conditions?
 
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit:
He asks the old biker his name.
“Fred.” He replies.
“Fred what?” The officer asks.
“Just Fred.” The old man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The old biker replies.
“It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing!
 
Mucksavage said:
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit:
He asks the old biker his name.
“Fred.” He replies.
“Fred what?” The officer asks.
“Just Fred.” The old man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The old biker replies.
“It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing!
Click to expand...

Another police officer based joke:

A gentleman was running late for work one day and was traveling well over the speed limit in an attempt to make it in time. Just as he's about to cross a bridge he spots a highway patrolman on the opposite side with a radar gun pointed right at him. The blue lights turn on, the man pulls over and as the officer approaches the man rolls his window down.

Officer: "What the hell do you think you're doing traveling so fast on MY road this morning?!"

Driver:"Well officer, I'm late for work and I have a very very important job."

Officer:"What job could possibly be so important that you're doing nearly double the speed limit to get there?"

Driver:"Well officer, you see, I'm an asshole stretcher."

At this point the officer does a bit of a double take.

Officer:"Ok, now just what does an asshole stretcher do?"

Driver:"Well sir, it's just like it sounds. You see I start with two fingers and a stretch it out a little and then I get more fingers in there and stretch a little more. Ultimately I work both my hands in and stretch the asshole out until it's about 6 foot tall."

Officer:"And what exactly does someone do with a 6 foot tall asshole?"

Driver:"Well I don't know about you sir, but I'd hand him a radar gun and put him on the other side of that bridge right there."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom