How do I get BS Certified?
- Thread starter CLynn85
- Start date
You must have read the old handbook. The new one only for certain people do they still require a stool sample. This is spelled out in Chapter 2, paragraph 3, lines 1 through 11. It is in fine print to small for anyone with normal eye sight to read. This is generally referred to as the catch all paragraph.
I hope this clears up any questions you have.
I hope this clears up any questions you have.
Thanks for expressing interest in a BS Certification!
It can be a lengthy process for most while some have an innate talent for bovine scatology. If you are full of s... motivation you can fast track the process by demonstrating certain skills to a panel of BS Certification Qualifiers.
I'll let the boys fill you in on the rest.
It can be a lengthy process for most while some have an innate talent for bovine scatology. If you are full of s... motivation you can fast track the process by demonstrating certain skills to a panel of BS Certification Qualifiers.
I'll let the boys fill you in on the rest.
Team Balls Out
Adventurist
When you can see the moon clearly at night and you can spot the lunar landing site with a pair of Bio's and you can convince other people to look... You are on your way to the head of the class. Ask me about Saltwater frogs? I know all about them.
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Principles of the AAV BS Certification Process
Gentleman…let me state right up front that an AAV BS Certification involves more than telling a fanciful tale. This honor is only granted to the people that show a comprehensive understanding of the multifaceted core principals of the science of Scatology. A mastery of the spoken and written word is also essential as one simply cannot express their dominance of the BS arts without the ability to communicate fluidly. If you would like the gain the honor of an AAV BS Certification please take the time to familiarize yourselves with these core AAV BS principles….
*Knowledge: To truly master the Scatological sciences you have to have a deep and ranging knowledge base. This ranges from history to science, pop culture and mysticism, to the body politic and the manly arts. Without this depth of knowledge you cannot truly BS all the people all the time. Remember a successful BS session leaves your victim believing that you know what you are talking about even if you don’t have a clue. This is how most experts become experts these days.
*Thespianship: One cannot succeed at scatology without some showmanship. An entertaining presentation draws the audience in and makes them more willing to follow you along the bullshit highway. One also needs to be mindful of the crowd you are playing too as what will work for one target group might be off-putting to another. Target your story to the market, sell it and the scat will follow.
*Sarcasm: To truly employ a BS narrative one needs to understand the importance of Sarcasm and how to apply just enough of it to let your audience or opponent skewer themselves without them even realizing it. Apply to much sarcasm and charges of being a "mean poopy head" ring through the etherwebs and the loss of personal BS kharma will follow. This delicate balance of Sarcasm cannot be taught but most be coached forth from the deepest recess of your psyche. For a few fortunate individuals Sarcasm is innately engrained from birth and is present in the most successful of all AAV BS Certified members. Those gifted by the Gods with exceptional Sarcasm skills become Master Trainers, much like the Jedi Masters of old. And don’t let anybody tell you any different; Sarcasm is a form of Martial Arts when applied correctly.
*Tenacity: If you’re going to be Certified you have to have a thick skin. BSing is a rough and tumble endeavor and there will be times when you meet another Scatologist of equal or greater skill. Rest assures in these scenarios a battle of BS will ensue. You must hold your ground, countering BS with stronger BS until one of you is broken. It could be you so just be aware; running off and crying to your mommy or a moderator after getting bitch slapped will mean the immediate cessation of your AAV BS Certification. Scatology is not for the timid or weak.
*Morality: One of the most abiding principles all great AAV Scatologist most adhere to is that the use of their BS powers must be for the greater good. While it might seem counterintuitive, BS actually makes the this forum and the world a better place by entertaining our friends, gently nudging a member to the right path, and diffusing tense situations before physical violence ensues. A great Scatologist can win the hearts of the most strident of foes and convince them that you are they're bestest buddy of all time. Meanwhile you are free to plot there imminent fall. Failure to use your BS Certification for the benefit of all mankind will result in an immediate BS Certification suspension and possibly a career for you in politics. Politicians are the Sith Lords to the AAV BS Certified Jedi masters.
So study, learn and practice these Scatological principals and you have the chance to earn the coveted AAV BS Certification. We’ll be watching and weighing your every post and response and will notify you when you have reached a level of BS that merits such an honor.
Ohhh, there are a few caveats. It seems that some people have a greater chance than others and in the past it has seemed that those who are “Folliclely” Challenged and/or live in Virginia within the sphere of Washington DC influence seem to have a higher degree of success at obtaining Certification. It’s possible that because of the BS overspill from that urban center some enhancement of ones innate BS capabilities might occur…but who truly knows?
Gentleman…let me state right up front that an AAV BS Certification involves more than telling a fanciful tale. This honor is only granted to the people that show a comprehensive understanding of the multifaceted core principals of the science of Scatology. A mastery of the spoken and written word is also essential as one simply cannot express their dominance of the BS arts without the ability to communicate fluidly. If you would like the gain the honor of an AAV BS Certification please take the time to familiarize yourselves with these core AAV BS principles….
*Knowledge: To truly master the Scatological sciences you have to have a deep and ranging knowledge base. This ranges from history to science, pop culture and mysticism, to the body politic and the manly arts. Without this depth of knowledge you cannot truly BS all the people all the time. Remember a successful BS session leaves your victim believing that you know what you are talking about even if you don’t have a clue. This is how most experts become experts these days.
*Thespianship: One cannot succeed at scatology without some showmanship. An entertaining presentation draws the audience in and makes them more willing to follow you along the bullshit highway. One also needs to be mindful of the crowd you are playing too as what will work for one target group might be off-putting to another. Target your story to the market, sell it and the scat will follow.
*Sarcasm: To truly employ a BS narrative one needs to understand the importance of Sarcasm and how to apply just enough of it to let your audience or opponent skewer themselves without them even realizing it. Apply to much sarcasm and charges of being a "mean poopy head" ring through the etherwebs and the loss of personal BS kharma will follow. This delicate balance of Sarcasm cannot be taught but most be coached forth from the deepest recess of your psyche. For a few fortunate individuals Sarcasm is innately engrained from birth and is present in the most successful of all AAV BS Certified members. Those gifted by the Gods with exceptional Sarcasm skills become Master Trainers, much like the Jedi Masters of old. And don’t let anybody tell you any different; Sarcasm is a form of Martial Arts when applied correctly.
*Tenacity: If you’re going to be Certified you have to have a thick skin. BSing is a rough and tumble endeavor and there will be times when you meet another Scatologist of equal or greater skill. Rest assures in these scenarios a battle of BS will ensue. You must hold your ground, countering BS with stronger BS until one of you is broken. It could be you so just be aware; running off and crying to your mommy or a moderator after getting bitch slapped will mean the immediate cessation of your AAV BS Certification. Scatology is not for the timid or weak.
*Morality: One of the most abiding principles all great AAV Scatologist most adhere to is that the use of their BS powers must be for the greater good. While it might seem counterintuitive, BS actually makes the this forum and the world a better place by entertaining our friends, gently nudging a member to the right path, and diffusing tense situations before physical violence ensues. A great Scatologist can win the hearts of the most strident of foes and convince them that you are they're bestest buddy of all time. Meanwhile you are free to plot there imminent fall. Failure to use your BS Certification for the benefit of all mankind will result in an immediate BS Certification suspension and possibly a career for you in politics. Politicians are the Sith Lords to the AAV BS Certified Jedi masters.
So study, learn and practice these Scatological principals and you have the chance to earn the coveted AAV BS Certification. We’ll be watching and weighing your every post and response and will notify you when you have reached a level of BS that merits such an honor.
Ohhh, there are a few caveats. It seems that some people have a greater chance than others and in the past it has seemed that those who are “Folliclely” Challenged and/or live in Virginia within the sphere of Washington DC influence seem to have a higher degree of success at obtaining Certification. It’s possible that because of the BS overspill from that urban center some enhancement of ones innate BS capabilities might occur…but who truly knows?
DesertFront
Adventurist
I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the latest requirement in this particular certifacation. Each recipient must also be DNA tested to pocess certain sequential DNA requirements. To clarify, the recipient must inherit particular genetic sequencing to ensure the longevity of the factual stretching is long.
The following attachment should clear this up for you
The following attachment should clear this up for you
Attachments
Easy, this is a family site.
Thespian...look it up you dumb bunny. God Lord, PA Ridgerunners are the worst sort of BSer!
The AAV BS Certification process looks to be a long and tenuous journey. I feel like a mere child in the presence of giants
-Andy
...says the Master-Trainer.
You Fail! "I don't know if I can live up to the expectations" You should have said something like "I have exceeded all expectations of this group". Call this lesson #1, now back to school, "but I'll certainly try!" should sound like "They should be as good as myself".
I am just trying to help.
To be a Good BS’er you need to have read the book was popular in the 70's, Title of “I am OK you are OK”. This is very informative and educating. Following the success of this book, I wrote a companion book to expand on the theories in more detail. It is titled “I am OK but you are just So So”. Now a good BS’er would take credit for writing my book. But we would know this was not the truth, you did not write this and neither did I.
DesertFront
Adventurist
I got my certificate back in '73, 24 and three quarter miles off the coast of Corona del Mar. The seas were rough I remember, and we weren't having much luck with our fishing. This was the old royal Spanish sailing lane we were at. After 7 hours of nothing, not even a nibble, my reel suddenly starts a singing. I just let it run, I knew it was a big one. Then, as quick as it started, the line went dead. I started reeling my line in. It got snagged a couple times on something on the bottom but each time,I was able to free it and continue reeling. Something, I could tell was on my line, and then I finally saw it. Apparently what ever it was that hit my bait got loose but while reeling it in, it snagged this magnificently preserved lantern that must have been on an old sunken galleon in those ancient Spanish days. But that's not what was so remarkable, you know what, that damn thing was still lit. Right after that the captain called me to the bridge so I blew out the lantern and went to the bridge, he officially swore me in as a BS first class, and handed me my certificate.