The Random Dose of FUNNY Thread

IMG_6603.JPG
 
2. THANKS PASTOR
A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. “From what I hear about your aim,” said the Pastor, “It’s a sin for you to hunt any time.”

3. TENT VS TOAD
Q: Can a frog jump higher than an average tent?

A: Of course, an average tent can’t jump!

4. NEXT TIME SEND A SMOKE SIGNAL
Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances. “What if we get lost?” says one of them. “Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour” says the other. “I saw it on TV.” Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour.

The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. “Why didn’t you do what I said?” asked the hunter. “I did! I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows.”

5. DOUBLE ENTENDRE
Clean Camping JokesQ: What’s another name for a sleeping bag?

A: A nap sack

6. NATURES COLORS
Q. What is the color of the wind?

A. Blew.

7. I’LL HAVE A NUMBER 2
Q: What do bears call campers in sleeping bags?

A: Soft Tacos

8. IT’S SIMPLE MATH
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 tents and another 2 tents and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking tent!”

9. NEW FRIENDSHIPS
A spider was in my tent and my girlfriend told me to take it out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

10. AN EGGCELLENT TIME OF YEAR
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love camping autumn?

A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

11. AWE SHUCKS
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the lakes’s bottom.

12. AMEN
Two guys are walking through a national park & they come across a bear that has not eaten for days. The bear starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this bear into a Christian, Lord.” He looks to see if the bear is still chasing and he sees the bear on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the bear. As he comes closer to the bear, he hears it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.”

13. DIY HEATER
If you ever get cold while camping, just stand in the corner of a tent for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.

14. A BIT ONE SIDED
Did you hear about the camper who broke his left leg and left arm? He’s all right now.

15. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME
Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. “The plane won’t carry six deer, you’ll have to leave two of them,” said the pilot. Unwilling to leave their deer, the hunters said “We got six on the plane last year.” The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, “Any idea where we are?” The second hunter said, “Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year.”

camping jokes clean 16. PACKING LIGHT
Q: If you have 5 tents in one hand and 3 sleeping bags in the other, what do you have?

A: Big hands.

17. A HIKERS EGO
How many hikers does it take to hike Mount Everest? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, “man, I could do that!”

18. ANTICLIMACTIC
Bob: “Holy crap, I just fell off a 50 ft deer stand.”
Jim: “Oh my God, are you okay?”
Bob: “Yeah it’s a good thing I fell off the first step.”

19. SNIFF SNIFF
Q: What do you call a camper without a nose or a body?

A: Nobodynose.

20. MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL SOMEONE ELSE
A man walks out of his tent one day and sees a fox in the tree in front of his campsite. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, “I’m here to get the fox out of your tree. I’m going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the fox is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to attack anything that falls from the tree.” The man says “Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?” The animal control employee says, “Oh, that’s for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the fox, shoot the dog.”

21. NEXT TIME JUST SAY HEY
Q: How do you make a one armed man fall out of a tree?

A: Wave.

22. THANKS FOR THE SUGGESTION
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo.” The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, “Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!” The boy answered, “I did! Today I’m taking him to the movies.”

23. GON’ FISHING
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?

A: Swimming trunks.

24. PRECIPITATION
Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?

A. They make it rain!

25. SHOULDA STUCK TO THE BOOK
A child goes to his father and asks, “Father, how do parents think of names for their children?” The father answers, “Well, son, the night before the mother gives birth, the father goes into the woods and camps for the night. When he wakes the following morning, the first thing he sees is what he names his child, which is why your sister is named Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask, Bear Poop?”

26. GOOD SIGNALcampfire jokes
Q: How do trees access the internet?

A: They log in.

27. A HARSH REALITY
One time an adventurer paddling on a northern river got colt and lit a fire in his boat, only to discover that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

28. NOT YOUR AVERAGE BEAR
Q. what do you call a bear with no teeth

A. A gummy bear

29. THE RELIGIOUS SKUNKS
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. “I hope he’s not going to shoot at us,” said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, “Let us spray.”

30. BAIT AND SWITCH
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

31. HIDE THE PICNIC BASKET
Yo mama so fat the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.

32. ROUGHING IT
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute as he looked around, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent.”

33. BAD WEATHER
After a night of camping the Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado. He declared, “Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore.”

34. MONETARY GAINS
clean camping jokes

Q: Why is a river rich?

A: Because it has two banks.

35. DUHH
One boy scout was on one side of the river and there was another boy scout on the other side of the river. One boy scout yells to the other boy scout, “How do you get to the other side?” and the other boy scout yells back, “You are on the other side!”

36. GREEN ENERGY
A young camper is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks him, “What are you doing in there?” He says, “I’m washing my clothes.” The man asks, “Why don’t you use a washing machine?” The camper says, “I tried that, but I got too dizzy.”

37. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
One time I got into an argument with a girl inside a tent. It was a terrible place for an argument, because you can’t look cool when you walk out and slam the flap.

38. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, “You’re crazy! You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!” “I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only have to outrun you.”

39. KEEPING THINGS DIVERSE
Q: Why are hiking shops so diverse?

A: Because they employ people from all walks of life

40. SNOW WAY!camping jokes clean
Q: What did one avalanche survivor say to the other avalanche survivor?

A: Dude, that all that snow was in tents!

41. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP
Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time, and reminds him to be still and keep quiet. An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve scream “Ow! An ant just bit me!” “I thought I told you to be quiet!” says Joe. Steve looked at him and said “Hey, I kept quiet when you stepped in that bear poop.”

42. ECO-FRIENDLY
Q: Why do trees have so many friends?

A: They branch out.

43. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

44. BEAVER SNACKS
camping jokes clean

Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?

A: “It’s been nice gnawing you!”

45. THE SNEAKY WOLF
Q: Why can’t you see a Wolf hiding in a tree?

A: Because he’s really good at it.

46. WHAT WAS THAT AGAIN?
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don’t forget.

A couple days later they went camping and the old lady told her husband to make her a cup of coffee. “You might want to write it down,” she said. The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a cup of coffee.” She then told her husband she wanted a cup of coffee with cream. “Write it down,” she told him, and again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a cup of coffee with cream.” Then the old lady said she wants a cup of coffee with cream and sugar. “Write it down,” she told her husband and again he said, “No, I got it. You want a cup of coffee with cream and sugar.”

So he goes to get the coffee and spends an unusually long time outside of the tent, over 30 minutes. He comes back in to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, “Where’s the toast?”

47. CARBONATED FORREST
Q: What is a tree’s favorite drink?

A: Root beer.

48. THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, DAD
While eating next to a fire on their annual camping trip, a kid looks at his dad and says “Dad, how do you prepare the fish we’re eating?” The Dad replies, “Nothing special. I just tell ’em they’re gonna die.”

49. PLOT TWIST
Q: What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A: A pool table.

50. NATURAL CAMOUFLAGE


Camping jokes cleanFred: “Why do bears wear red nail polish?”
Bob: “I don’t know, why?”
Fred: “To hide in oak trees.”
Bob: “But I’ve never seen an bear in a oak tree.”
Fred: “See, it works.”

51. LOOK CLOSELY
Three campers were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

52. JUST A THOUGHT
All joking aside, what should you do when 
you see an endangered animal 
eating an endangered plant?

53. TIE BREAKER
A husband and wife were driving through the mountains. As they approached their campsite, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”

54. NOT YOUR AVERAGE CUSTOMER
A bear walks into a restaurant and says, “I’d like a water ……………. and some of those peanuts.”

The server says says, “Sure, but why the big paws?”

55. WILDERNESS SURVIVAL TRAINING 101
campfire jokesQ: How do you avoid getting swallowed by a river while kayaking?

A: Stay away from the river mouth

56. NEXT TIME I’M BUYING ONLINE
A dog goes into a camping store and buys a tent. The cashier says, “You don’t see a dog in here buying a tent very often.”

The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

57. I TRIED TO TELL YOU
While sitting around a campfire, a boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
 
Back
Top Bottom