The Random Dose of FUNNY Thread

[Scott B.]

For real. $100 to fill up yesterday! (of course, it's a 36 gallon tank )



This. I'm not afraid to say I've got SEVENTY FIVE THOUSAND dollars of school debt that I'll be repaying for twenty years. It's a freakin' house outside of CA. It's a down payment on a nice house in CA. It got me in the door, but I've learned everything else on the floor. I've got a MBA, but I also think higher education is a scam for those who shouldn't do it. Forcing kids to college isn't smart.

It's okay though, let's just raise the minimum wage so that jobs that teenagers should be doing (taco bell cashier, fast food, etc) are now careers to the poor. We're literally enabling poverty.

Well said.

 

[Dave]

Truth

 

[Gallowbraid]

 

[Scott B.]

I'm not sure if this is funny....


Very timely in view of recent events.

CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered
an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms
and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula,
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I detest vegetables.

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know?

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take
medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.
According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol
tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an
undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL?

GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and
all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV,
where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

 

[woody]

^^ Much closer to the truth than we think. I recently replied to a PM about the availability of black Scepter cans and the next day I had emails from E-Bay and Amazon offering said items.

 

[Mojoe Outfitters]

I don't know who is going to be working in the trades in the near future. Industrial arts (ie shop class) is rare at any high school these days. Kids are groomed to go to college, get their piece of paper 5-6 years later, and move right into their corner office making $100k a year with 30 days paid vacation.

I'd guess the average age of the techs at my dealership to be in the high 30's, finding competent apprentice level techs is difficult at best.

I took an auto-shop class at my high school over the summer after 11th grade. It was the best and most important class that I ever took. Life changing really. The shop was a large steel building on campus that was as well equipped as any auto repair business. It even had four lifts! I spent the summer working on my hand-me-down 1969 Torino Station Wagon. After that class I could fix almost anything, not just cars.

My kids graduated from the same high school. While they were still at the school I went to check out the shop for some nostalgia. I found that it had been converted into a dance studio with all kinds of brightly colored stars, hearts and rainbows painted on the sides.

Cam

 

[Dave]

I'm not sure if this is funny....


Very timely in view of recent events.

CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered
an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms
and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula,
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I detest vegetables.

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know?

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take
medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.
According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol
tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an
undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL?

GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and
all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV,
where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

Epic. And a little creepy...

 

[richard310]

I took an auto-shop class at my high school over the summer after 11th grade. It was the best and most important class that I ever took. Life changing really. The shop was a large steel building on campus that was as well equipped as any auto repair business. It even had four lifts! I spent the summer working on my hand-me-down 1969 Torino Station Wagon. After that class I could fix almost anything, not just cars.

My kids graduated from the same high school. While they were still at the school I went to check out the shop for some nostalgia. I found that it had been converted into a dance studio with all kinds of brightly colored stars, hearts and rainbows painted on the sides.

Cam

A sign of the times Cam... a darn shame and quite concerning.

 

[TangoBlue]

 

[Kevin LaCroix]

My wife and I consider the movie "The Circle" a horror film.

 

[Gallowbraid]

Should have used an eco friendly paper bag.

 

[bob91yj]

^^^^Along that line @ramonortiz55 used plastic grocery bags for packaging material to ship my new Garmin InReach texting/tracking thing. Now I'm a criminal in CA because I possess one time use plastic bags!

BTW, the bags worked great, the goods arrived unscathed! Thanks again Ramon!

 

[woody]

BAGGER BOB has an interesting ring to it?

 

[Chris St. Clair]

I took an auto-shop class at my high school over the summer after 11th grade. It was the best and most important class that I ever took. Life changing really. The shop was a large steel building on campus that was as well equipped as any auto repair business. It even had four lifts! I spent the summer working on my hand-me-down 1969 Torino Station Wagon. After that class I could fix almost anything, not just cars.

My kids graduated from the same high school. While they were still at the school I went to check out the shop for some nostalgia. I found that it had been converted into a dance studio with all kinds of brightly colored stars, hearts and rainbows painted on the sides.

Cam

High School where I currently work has two full time auto tech teachers and full service garage. Recently they have added state inspections to the services that they provide. They were also featured in our local news for the all female class they added this year.

Despite what some think, there is still plenty of good stuff going on out there.

 

[Dave]

High School where I currently work has two full time auto tech teachers and full service garage. Recently they have added state inspections to the services that they provide. They were also featured in our local news for the all female class they added this year.

Despite what some think, there is still plenty of good stuff going on out there.

That’s good to hear.

 

[Gallowbraid]

Despite what some think, there is still plenty of good stuff going on out there.

Chris that's not what the media says.

 

[Dave]

Chris that's not what the media says.

 

[woodienut]

Rubicon's were sold as the top of the line Wrangler when they came out by most sales departments, ie "Denali", "King Ranch", etc. Load Range "E" BFG mud tires (even at 32 psi they rode like crap), hood stickers and a bunch of other stuff that the customer would never use, couldn't explain, but they had bragging rights with their cronies!

I had customers bring Wranglers in after the "cute" wore off, and they had to live with the damn thing tell me that it had excessive wind noise...sir, you're driving a brick with a pup tent on top, it's going to be noisy, it get's crappy fuel economy...did you look at the fuel economy numbers before you bought it, yes sir, I know it's a 6 cylinder (or even worse a 4 banger), it also weighs 4000 pounds and your engine was designed in 1932, with upgrades over the years, it doesn't even have a cross flow cylinder head, and will probably be marginal at best on a CA smog inspection 5 years from now. I can see the spot welds in the body...sir, let me show you the spot welds on the brand spanking new ones, which is the way that yours looked when it was "cute" to your wife. It rides like crap...let me show you the solid axles under your vehicle, and the Load Range "E" tires that are on it, then we'll run it across the scales and you'll realize that a 4000 pound vehicle on a 94" wheelbase doesn't equal ride quality...EVER. I could keep going across every car line I've ever worked with (all of the GM brands except Chevy (Saturn, Saab, Pontiac and Olds by default), Jeep and KIA.

Funny thing is I got called in to have a discussion with my manager's this afternoon...all the way up to the CEO of the company...those cats accused ME of having an attitude problem! It's almost a trend with me...Division Officers straight out of Canoe U (Naval Academy) also accused me of having a bad attitude in my Navy days. Apparently I've had a BUNCH of crappy Division Officers and managers, no other way for me to explain the false accusations to me.

NEWS FLASH: YOU DO HAVE A "BAD ATTITUDE", THAT'S WHY WE LIKE YOU!!
DUH?

 

[TangoBlue]

For any members looking for affirmation on this forum, here is your gut-check; please refer to this meme:

 

[TangoBlue]