Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish?
Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes you think.
~ Watch more TV and Netflix. I've been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
~ Spend more time at work and on social media.
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world's largest ball of twine.
~ Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home - eat out more.
~ Don't have eight children at once.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!
~ Start being superstitious.
~ Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Don't believe politicians.
~ Break at least one traffic law.
~ Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
~ Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about faults.
~ Never make New Year's resolutions again.
I wasn't sure, at first, whether to put this in the RANDOM THOUGHTS thread or here in the RANDOM DOSE OF FUNNY thread. But my sense of humor is odd enough that I really find this funny, so it ended up here.
A man attempted to kidnap a woman in North Carolina. The woman broke free and ran into a nearby business, asking the business owner to help her. The would-be kidnapper followed her in , and, when told to leave, announced that he wouldn't leave without her.
He did, in fact, end up leaving without her. On a stretcher. It was a Karate dojo.
When I worked for a Jeep dealership I actually had a customer complain about wind noise on a soft top Wrangler. I told them they are driving a brick with a pup tent on top. Wranglers used to be miserable vehicles to live with as a transportation device...loud, crappy fuel economy, virtually no creature comforts, etc...they were good at one thing, going off highway.
I never understood the 2wd JK's...all of the negatives of Wrangler ownership without the one positive. Pardon the non-PC stereotype, the typical buyer of that platform seemed to be college age women who thought they were "cute"...once the "cute" wore off they hated owning them.